I went to collect my SEXTACULAR (I love making up words) new tent from Argos in Southside shopping centre yesterday. I am always amazed at how many screaming kids there are in there at any given time of the day. There was one particular little darling when I was waiting for the tent to come out of the storeroom (AKA Aladdin’s Cave) who was rolling on the floor screaming as if she was being sacrificed to some kind of heathen god. Of course her teenage mother was in no way interested, she was too busy perusing the “stylish” bling on sale. What I want to know is what could possibly be so wrong in your life at 3 that leads to such wailing. Someone else dresses you, feeds you, bathes you and entertains you. You have no bills, no dodgy exes, no fears of being left on the shelf, no concerns that you are wasting your talent in a job that doesn’t fulfil you. You’d think it would be a pretty satisfying existence. I do wonder about the mother’s commitment to her job. As my mum, who is basically the child whisperer, always says, a child who is having a fit of some sort just needs a distraction.

I know I have mentioned this before… but I have the best friends in the entire world. Josh came around last night to collect the tent (which I have named Tentacle Moo) and I managed to convince him to cook. How do you like that… invite someone around for dinner who is doing you a massive favour and then get them to make their own food! Josh makes the most incredible pesto pasta from scratch. It is literally in my top five things to eat so I couldn’t resist. Luckily Josh is such a good sport.

We decided to pitch Tentacle Moo in the lounge to see if she was in good working order. Since we both have the mental age of 3, we climbed inside and sat there. She’s a lot bigger than I expected. I am so enamoured that I am considering just pitching her in the backyard and living out there from now on. Gigantic hugs to Josh who came all the way to Earlsfield to collect Tentacle Moo so he can drag her all the way to Reading tomorrow on his own and pitch her in preparation for my arrival on Friday morning. Dude… you RAWK!

Excitement level on a scale of 1 – 10?… where 1 is just before your own execution and 10 is just before you finally go on a date with the person you’ve been crushing on for a year… 12!!!!!!

Today’s band to love is Metallica. I have to warn you that I am not a long-term obsessive dedicated Metallica fan so I may not do this the justice that a worshipful lifetime fan might do… but I do count them in my list of rock love so I’m doing this anyway. Formed in California in 1981 by drummer, Lars Ulrich, these thrash metal legends have had an illustrious career. Despite a bit of line-up jiggling and occasional band infighting (original lead guitarist, Dave Mustaine, was booted and went on to form rivals Megadeth, bassist, Cliff Burton was tragically killed and subsequent long-term bassist, Jason Newstead was also booted) they have released 8 studio albums, 2 live albums, 2 EPs and 40 singles. Front man James Hetfield’s voice is unmistakable and their grinding screaming guitars and frenetic drums make them the perfect band to leap around like an idiot to while playing air guitar (or is it just me that does that). After deviating somewhat from their metal roots in the mid-90’s there have been claims that Metallica have sold out (although I loved Load) and most recent offerings have been greeted with scepticism (mine included), however it is impossible to deny the sheer power of some of their past hits. The new album is just around the corner and I continue to hold out hope.

Must-have album: Metallica (also known as the Black Album) and also S&M which is a live double album recorded when they performed with the San Francisco Philharmonic Orchestra… it is one of the most intense and beautiful things I have ever heard

My favourite song: Ugh, how to pick, I can’t choose one… One, Nothing Else Matters and Hero Of The Day

For fans of: Avenged Sevenfold, Trivium, Bullet For My Valentine

http://www.myspace.com/metallica

Kelly returned triumphant and in one piece from V festival yesterday with tales of straw fights, mud, solo missions, vodka overloads and strange encounters of the random kind. Of course this has spurred on my excitement for Reading which is now just two and a half days away.

This is my first Reading, which adds to the giddiness… plus the line-up is SICK. It includes: Rage Against The Machine, Metallica, Queens Of The Stone Age, The Killers, Avenged Sevenfold, Bullet For My Valentine, Elliot Minor, Kids In Glass Houses, The King Blues, Biffy Clyro, Taking Back Sunday, The Raconteurs, Tenacious D, Slipknot, Pendulum, Plain White T’s, Alexisonfire, Mindless Self Indulgence, Vampire Weekened, MGMT, Foals, Less Than Jake, The Audition, All Time Low, You Me At Six and Black Kids.

There are clashes. Some big ones… so there is no way I get to see everyone I want so I have devised a hierarchy based on abject adoration (as in there is no way I will miss TBS… it wouldn’t matter if Frank Iero was playing naked on one of the side stages at the same time), bands I have already seen (sorry to QOTSA but I am missing half your set for Vampire Weekend) and bands I am soon to see (hence missing Pendulum for Slipknot). Of course all of this is dependent on me not getting too drunk to find my way from one stage to the next but I normally get too absorbed in the show to actually drink that much. At the moment my greatest anticipation is for TBS, MSI, Metallica, RATM and A7X (Abbi likes abbreviations).

Tonight I am off to collect this little beauty of a tent which I will hand over to Josh, who is going down on Thursday and will be pitching it for me so I have a guaranteed space when I arrive early Friday morning. The big tent is too much for one person to drag all the way down there and pitch unassisted. We will be joined by Matthew and I am going to meet up with Colin and Nat. I predict chaos… I cannot wait!

Today’s band to love is Forgive Durden. Named after Tyler Durden, a character from the book and film, Fight Club, this Fuelled By Ramen band had a burst of success in 2006, touring with Panic At The Disco. With their dramatic often trumpet infused sound, they are very intense. Their debut album Wonderland was an explosion of oddly named songs protesting against a capitalist consumerist society. It all looked very good… and then the wheels fell off. Vocalist, Thomas Dutton had a few Axl Rose-esque moments of authoritarianism which pissed off the rest of the band so much that they left. He appears to be very sorry about this now and is working on new material with his brother and Gatsby’s American Dream drummer, Rudy Gajadhar. Time will tell if anything materialises but Wonderland is gold so go get.

Must-have album: Wonderland

My favourite song: Beware The Jubjub Bird And Shun The Frumious Bandersnatch (cookie for anyone who knows where that name comes from)

For fans of: Gatsby’s American Dream, Taking Back Sunday, Monty Are I

http://www.myspace.com/forgivedurden

Does anyone else get that thing where some of your drunk memories only appear a day or two later? I was gathering up my clothes to do some washing this morning and I found a grey Quicksilver beanie behind my bedside table. This suddenly reminded me that when we left the Puzzle I had been talking to some boys outside (not sure if they were boys I knew or not) and one of them was wearing a beanie. I decided I wanted to wear it and of course snatched it off his head and put it on. If I was still wearing it when I got home, clearly I never gave it back. Once again Abbi commits clothing theft while drunk. Bad, bad, bad! If anyone reading this is the owner of, or knows the owner of the beanie, please let me know and I will return it.

I am also wondering if anyone else experiences odd dreams if they make themselves go back to sleep in the morning? I find the more times I go back to sleep the odder the dreams get. This morning I woke up at 6.30 and thought screw this and forced myself back to sleep. In between 6.30 and waking up again at 7.45, I had a dream involving an old mansion, a terrorist plot that my mother had inadvertently gotten mixed up in and having to put together a rescue plan that somehow involved an Eastern European woman trapped inside a giant chocolate rabbit. Theories on what that one means are most welcome.

In other news The Academy Is… release their new album Fast Times At Barrington High tomorrow. Because I am cool (or more likely because Jen is cool), I already have a copy of this little powerpop gem. I’ve got to say it is a total return to form for young Bill Beckett and his band of long-legged, skinny-jeaned nutters (they are completely deranged… just watch TAI TV). I never thought their second album, Santi, measured up to debut, Almost Here but Fast Times is GOLD. Go out and get!

Today’s artist to love is Anthony Green. Anthony is a very busy young man. Having started and left Saosin, he moved onto Circa Survive where is still providing vocal duties. While all of this was on the go he also did stints with Zolof The Rock ‘n Roll Destroyer (who sound nothing like Lordi, which is what the name instantly conjures up for me) and The Sound Of Animals Fighting. It’s not surprisingly that he has been lending his talents to so many projects since his vocal range is breathtaking, rivalled only by the incredible Craig Owens. 2008 has brought us a solo project and it is gorgeous. With meandering, wistful indie-folk songs powered by Anthony’s crystal clear flawless vocals this one of the most soothing things I have ever listened to.

Must-have album: Avalon

My favourite song: She Loves Me So

Hot or not: With those eyes? Totally hot!

For fans of: Jack’s Mannequin, Something Corporate, The Format

http://www.myspace.com/anthonygreen 

I have touched the arm of greatness. I was sitting at my desk today when Ryan, who works with me, mentioned that Noel Fielding was hanging around in the Pret below my office. I attempted briefly to remain calm. Anyone who reads this blog regularly or has spent any time with me will know that I am in totally, utter and complete awe of Noel Fielding… artist, comedian and the only man who can wear a feather boa and not look gay. After failing to remain calm, I decided to take a little wander down to Pret to see if he was still there. He was… looking like a very skinny, slighty scruffy god amongst men. Being the colossal stalker/nutter that I am, I strolled up to him, put my hand on his arm and told him I thought he was amazing. And then I rambled a bunch of stuff that I am not sure was even in English. To his credit, Noel smiled, said thank-you very much and was utterly charming. He was a god amongst men. I was an idiot amongst sandwich buyers. Sigh. Working on the West End has its perks. For those who don’t know. This is Noel.

In other news, young Kelly is heading off to V for her first festival. Having attended a couple of festivals I felt somewhat responsible for her well-being. Hence I lent her my tent and we practised pitching it in the garden much to the amusement of my dad, fellow housemates and Donovan who were on “Tent Watch”. It reminded me of a bizarre nature programme.

“The redhead appears to moving towards the poles. Notice how the blonde appears to be puzzled by the colour coded guy ropes.”

I have also inspected her wardrobe and checked that she has all the essentials. When she left this morning I stood like a proud mother bird watching her baby fly out of the nest. I of course have terrible festival envy but luckily Reading is only a week away.

I also said goodbye to the dad who flew back to SA today. It was a farewell of mixed feelings for me. I love my dad and it’s so nice to have him come and see my life and meet my friends and spend time in my house and my city… but he also drives me mad. It’s funny how your family knows exactly how to push the buttons that will turn you into a lunatic witch. The last time I actually lived in the same house as my dad was 10 years ago and so him being around all the time is strange for both of us. A wonderful time was definitely had by all and I will miss him very much… but I look forward to returning to normality.

No band today. I have started working on a novel called Lucy Gray which is inspired by the Envy On The Coast album of the same name. Consequently I have been listening to nothing but Envy On The Coast. I promise I will get myself back in gear and have a band for the next blog.

So the grande spectacle that is the Olympics is in full force in Beijing and if I am completely honest… I have watched none of it. Partly because we have no Sky signal and well mostly because I have the attention span of a weasel on speed. In order for me to spend time in front of the TV the broadcast content has to include one or more of the following:  someone being made over, Simon Amstell, a man in mirror ball jumpsuit crimping or a bunch of hot guys carrying guitars.

I do know a few things about what have been going on in Sportsland:

·    The Aussies are accusing the British swimmers of being soap dodgers. It’s good to see the time honoured ideals of good sportsmanship and losing with grace are being adhered to.

·    The Chinese have shown just how deep they are. Rather than showcasing the amazing talent of gap-tooth singing prodigy, Yang Peiyi, they stuck her in the back where no one could see her and got a prettier little girl to lip-sync. Fuck inner beauty, we’ll go with image.

·    With all the conflict going on between Georgia and Russia, it was ironic that the two nations met on the, um, beach volleyball court (cos there are so many sunny beaches in Siberia???). It started out amicable but when the Russians lost they refused to acknowledge the defeat since both the Georgian players were actually born in Brazil. Well, at least they steered clear of mentioning their personal hygiene.

·    The Germans have gone with the “if you’ve got it flaunt it” approach and four of their athletes, including hockey player Katharina Scholz, have decided to get their kit off for German Playboy. I suppose if they win any medals they can put them in the trophy cabinet next to their beaver shots.

Grandchild: Wow, granny, you won an Olympic medal.

Granny Scholz: Never mind that, look how firm my boobs used to be!

·    American swimmer Michael Phelps has proved you can come back from anything including a drunk driving conviction, hitting on George Bush’s daughter, having ears like a trophy and your goggles filling with water during a race. Despite all his challenges the boy has won 11 medals and is the most successful Olympic athlete of all time. According to his trainer this is because he has a freakishly large torso and giant feet. Hmm… sexy…

So there you go… your Olympic round up… Abbi style… so much intrigue and it hasn’t even been on for a week yet!

Today’s band to love is Guns ‘N Roses. Where to even start with these guys… with the height of their popularity in the late 80’s and early 90’s they were a dirty, gritty, angry, raw, messy, bluesy hard rock band and there was no one like them. With lead guitar provided by living legend, Slash and vocals from the uber-charismatic Axl Rose, what could possibly go wrong? Well… everything… drugs, sex, violence, band infighting, misogyny and alcoholism are just some of the “issues” that plagued them. The fact that there was anarchy behind the scenes seems to have done nothing except fuel their creativity and there is no denying that GNR have given us some of the most iconic hits of our time in Sweet Child ‘O Mine, November Rain, Paradise City, Welcome To The Jungle… and the list goes on… Unfortunately the advent of grunge made their rock excesses seem very uncool and the decline in popularity drove Axl into dictatorial madness and rendered him impossible to work with. As band members slowly disappeared, were fired or moved onto other projects, including the massively successful Velvet Revolver, GNR still exists in some form… they just haven’t released an original album in over 15 years. The stuff from the ’87 – ’93 period is absolute rock gold though and you have to have it in your collection or you’re missing out on brilliance.

Must-have album: Appetite For Destruction

My favourite song: Patience (odd choice, I know but I LOVE that song)

Hot band members: When he was very, very young… before all the bad plastic surgery, Axl definitely had something

For fans of: Velvet Revolver, Avenged Sevenfold, Aerosmith

http://www.myspace.com/gunsnroses

Last night the dad and I hit theatreland to take in Wicked. The Broadway and West End smash hit tells the story of Oz pre Dorothy from the perspective of the Wicked Witch of the West who may not have been as wicked as we all thought. It touches on very modern themes of the nature of truth, how the media creates perception as well as nature vs nurture. The Wizard Of Oz was one of my favourite books as a child so I had high hopes for the play, which I hoped would be suitably dark. On the plus side it was beautifully produced. The sets were mind-alteringly good and I want to go and live in the Emerald City. The cast were also wonderfully talented and awesome to watch. BUT... as with all musicals you cannot escape from the cheese factor and I can’t stop spotting the plot holes. I know I should be able to just relax and enjoy the spectacle… but it’s just not me. So next stop… more serious theatre for Abbi. But if you are a musicals fan, you will love Wicked.

On other news I sat next to a woman on the train today who smelled like she had rolled in a barrel of sardines. It was like being in a fish market at 5pm. And every time a breeze blew through the train, I got a full nostril-full of her impressive stench. The mind boggles that there is no one in this lady’s life who might pull her aside and say, I love you but, seriously, you smell. I would like to put this out to all of my friends… if at any time my scent is less than glorious, please inform me immediately.

Today’s band to love is Daphne Loves Derby. This dreamy little Seattle emo-pop trio was formed when original members Jason Call, Kenny Choi and Stu Clay were still in high school. In fact Jason was only 14. Undeterred by youth and inexperience they set about playing local music festivals and giving away bedroom demos on their MySpace before being picked up by an indie record label and putting out an EP. Shortly after their second album was release Jason quit the band to go to school and become a missionary. The band is still going strong with David Sparks taking over bass duties. They have recorded a new album, which is due later this year so we wait in anticipation for more gorgeously laidback angst ridden tunes.

Must-have album: Good Night, Witness Light

My favourite song: Deserts Eating Oceans

For fans of: Dashboard Confessional, The Format, The Apathy Eulogy (who are clearly fans since they have a song called Daphne Doesn’t Love Derby… She Hates Men)

http://www.myspace.com/daphnelovesderby  

I have to start this by wishing our lovely housemate Kelly a very happy birthday for yesterday. She has been a very spoilt young lady. First Donovan arranged her a surprise BBQ for Sunday. That it remained a surprise is a miracle since Hilton all but told her that it was happening. The fact that Kelly didn’t guess after Hilton apologised to her in advance for not attending her party, reinforces my belief that if you are not expecting something then it takes more than a few hints to let the cat out of the bag. Even mother nature was in celebration because after lunch (which was somewhat rained out) there was a massive rainbow across Wandsworth.

The celebrations were rounded off last night with a delicious dinner cooked by Barb and a chocolate cake that Michelle insisted on ramming 27 candles into. Even with the lights turned off we could see by the flicker of the flames (I am only allowed to tease because I am already 27). The photos of Kelly blowing out her candles are fabulous since she is giggling like a little girl. The present bounty included Topshop vouchers, The Mighty Boosh season 1 & 2, Scouting For Girls tickets and an ipod dock/radio/alarm clock.

I would like to apologise for the fact that this blog is blurry and badly written. I had a migraine yesterday and today I have migraine hangover. Those who suffer from migraines will know the joys of migraine hangover. Even though the stomach churning, eye-popping agony of the actual headache is gone, your head still feels like it is under some kind of weird pressure and there are the ongoing visual and auditory disturbances. Conducting a conversation with me today is like talking to a slightly eccentric carrot.

Today’s band to love is Sugarcult. This Californian foursome, named after the lesbians that lived near vocalist/guitarist, Tim Pagnotta has been rocking for ten years. Starting out with more pop punk, they’ve gained focus and complexity as their sound has matured putting them firmly in the alt rock camp. Sugarcult are fabulously catchy and from their early bounciness to increased seriousness they’ve never lost their talent for writing a good hook and a sing-along power chorus… so much so that a number of their songs were used in 2002’s Van Wilder movie. With their endless tour schedule they show no signs of stopping and hopefully we can expect a new album some time in the near future.   

Must-have album: Start Static

My favourite song: Bouncing Off The Walls

Gigs attended: Opening for blink-182, Wembley Arena, 2004

Hot band members: They’re all kinda cute

For fans of: Simple Plan, Lostprophets (new school), Angels And Airwaves

http://www.myspace.com/sugarcult