Where the Wild Things Are

 Day 6 – Bol – I could go out and club a seal

The trip to Bol saw most of us sleeping through the day. After dancing until sunrise everyone was distinctly drained and disinclined to emerge from their bunks for anything other than food.

Of course this was when we discovered that the brats from Tuna had left us an empty pizza box with a note saying, “Here’s your pizza, baby!” Grr! Nic was all for war and suggested that we raise our Jolly Roger (and yes, we had brought one) and sound the vuvuzela. There was much plotting of revenge but in the end none of us was motivated enough or willing to rise to their immaturity and the whole incident finally died down when Barb managed to chat to them. It turned out that it was a very small contingent on the boat that seemed to dislike us and for the rest they seemed to think the “feud” was a bit lame.

When I finally surfaced in the afternoon I got into a card ring with the Kiwis. They taught me how to play 500 and I taught them to play American Rummy. I am officially a fan of 500, especially the table talking, which is essentially cheating. You play in pairs but your partner isn’t supposed to know what cards you have. This lead to Gus making comments like, “I could go out and club a seal right now!” *cough*.

Most of us were feeling a bit flat so we went out for dinner and then headed back to the bunks. Unfortunately the one and only bar (where some of the boat was revelling) was directly over the road from the boat and they were blasting the cheesy hip hop. Made sleeping a bit of a challenge but in the end the exhaustion was too much to keep even the best of us awake. I even slept through the few brave drinkers reappearing at 4am.

Things I learned in Croatia – part 6: The Adriatic is incredibly salty. You don’t even need to tread water to float. If you just stick out your arms on either side of you, you will bob up and down with your head above water. Of course the salt sticks to your hair and skin and leaves you dry and pruney but it means even the laziest can swim for ages. 

Photo of the day
In Croatia even dogs love sailing

Day 7 – Split – It’s not self-service

Friday saw us sailing back into Split after one last dip. I never passed up a single opportunity to jump off the boat and swim. I absolutely adore swimming in the sea and the constant thought that it would be a very long time before I got another chance to swim in it had me plunging into the water even when it was cold or windy… and finally on the last day I pulled myself together and jumped off the top deck with Max. I have to say it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be, despite the salt water searing my nose.

In Split we headed to a restaurant that Leigh and Brendan’s hotel had recommended when they arrived in Croatia a week earlier. They had this open table of delicious tapas out behind us that they kept dishing from. The temptation definitely proved too great for Trev who kept sneakily sampling the wares. Even after the waiter had explained that it was not self-service, Trev managed to steal us a whole lot of cheese for our ethically obtained starter platter. Legend!

We got back on the bar scene where we encountered the world’s rudest waiter. Despite the fact that he was way too busy to serve us, he completely freaked out when we started going to the bar to order drinks and threw a breathtaking hissy fit. Of course this just spurred us on to more ordering from the bar.

I suppose this is the time to mention the Richardson. The boys have all seen some movie where one of the characters, presumably called Richardson, keeps performing this odd pelvic thrusting dance at inappropriate moments. There were many Richardsons performed at various junctures of the tour with points awarded for spontaneity, public humiliation and style. Although Ant pulled off a killer Richardson on the castle wall in Dubrovnik, they were always performed with the most enthusiasm by Cliff. He’s a dark horse that one. After a few cocktails, Mich and I managed to invent and perfect the “Reverse Richardson” in Split. I am not going to describe it to you. You will have to buy us a few cocktails and encourage us to demonstrate.

After a week of Thai Square-esque dance muzak, I was officially over it and when the crew moved to a second bar at about midnight, Tino and I pulled a Houdini and headed back to the boat. I have to say I was quite happy with my choice when I saw the looks on some of the faces at our 7.20 breakfast call the next morning.

Things I learned in Croatia – part 7: Croatia is a British Health & Safety Officer’s nightmare. There are no guard rails on anything. At the edge of a cliff you can sit on a ledge with virtually no edge 30ft in the air and no one bats an eyelid. The lifts close even if your foot is in between the doors, people sit with their dogs on their laps at dinner and you can smoke everywhere (I think they’d let you smoke in the cancer ward of a hospital).

Today’s photo of the day.
Beware of the weasels

Day 8 – The departure – No town is complete without an Irish pub

We had to be off the boat by 9am so we all dragged our possessions off the boat and after hugs and kisses from the grinning crew, found ourselves standing on the docks with all our luggage and 12 hours to spare before the flight.

I am pretty sure the crew’s Cheshire cat smiles had little to do with how much they enjoyed our company and much to do with how excited they were to be getting “fresh meat”. They had confided in Kolbe that they usually engaged in a fair few, um, extra-mural activities with the female cruisers but in a group where everyone on the boat was friendly and even the single girls didn’t wonder off much, it was hard to sweet talk your way into anyone’s affections. So they had spent a week unloved… unless anyone has any secrets they wish to whisper in my ear.

After depositing our bags at a locker station that appeared to run on luck and blind faith, we decided it would be a good idea to find somewhere to watch the rugby. Croatians are not exactly a rugby-loving nation so it was a lot harder than it sounds. Eventually we found a coffee bar called Rugby… that was not showing the rugby… but the manager had a friend who managed a bar that he would open for us.

The manager of said bar came to collect us and we headed through the maze-like back roads of Split to find none other than an Irish pub. I have yet to find anywhere in the world that does not have an Irish pub. It is an impressive phenomenon. I got the impression that the manager could not believe his luck as more and more Saffas and Aussies streamed in to watch the game. He was so enthusiastic at this sudden windfall that he was taking photos of us and convinced the pizza place next door to let us order in. Unfortunately the actual game was a debacle that I can’t even bear to talk about. Let’s just say it’s going to be an interesting tri-nations.

We spent the rest of the day with some lying on the beach, others in the park and some even wandering around the Diocletian Palace before heading to the airport where we encountered the world’s stupidest drug mules. I am going to tell you the story as I perceived it but it was all very garbled so if someone else has a better account, please post in comments.

It seems the first people to get onto the plane were carrying quite a lot of blow/Charlie/lemon/call it what you will on them which they managed to get onto the plane. Where their “brilliant” plan fell flat was when they decided to sample it onboard and were caught red handed. Those who were en route to the plane were returned and the rest of us settled in to wait after hearing that the plane might be impounded. Luckily once the crew had been interviewed and the perpetrators arrested we were on our way back to London, only an hour and a half behind schedule.

Now back in my feather-duveted, non-rocking double bed with clean soft hair and unsweaty enough to actually apply make-up… I have to say that that was the best summer holiday of my life and I wouldn’t change a second of it.

To Ant, Barb, Hilt, Tino, Mich, Kolbe, Leigh, Brendan, Brenda, Allen, Trev, Carl, Matt, Cliff, Stace, Gus, Lorraine, Alex, Justin, Nic, Maxine, Bailey and Graham thank-you so much for an incredible holiday. It was so good to get to know everyone that I didn’t know or hadn’t spent much time with before the trip and I hope these blogs will help us all to remember just how amazing it all was. Love you guys!